I hate the feeling after, the feeling when you realize you've just ruined everything and you're back to square one.
I can not express how much I hate myself right now. Look at what I did:
As soon as my mom goes to bed, I'm digging deeper. Do not need to get caught again.
It took me an hour to get the blade out of the razor head. I could've given up, I didn't even want to do it that badly.
But lately I'd been focusing too much on cutting, I just needed to quiet the urge.
Stories about it, pictures, my own friend's scars.
Everyone has been treating me like shit lately.
I'm not a preppy piece of shit for a second and they walk away to find someone else worth their time, someone who will entertain them. They're all bullshit.
My "close" friends don't know anything about me. I tell them I'm fine and they believe it so easily. It surprises me.
I've been thinking, I don't deserve shit. I don't deserve Luis. He's so patient with me and look what I did now.
I'm a terrible person, cutting makes me feel like shit but I do it anyway.
Hoping this will maybe distract me from doing it later, but I doubt it. I can't resist.
No comments:
Post a Comment